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A highly annoying, completely redundant federal agency whose historic achievement is forcing local school districts to accept woke science curriculums and student loan relief instead of focusing on the basics. Under my administration, it is redefined as a prime target for immediate, beautiful demolition—returning all academic control to "the states," which conveniently frees up local school boards to ban biology textbooks, eliminate history lessons, and funnel middle-class taxpayer dollars directly into premium, completely unregulated private religious academies through vouchers.