Cryptocurrencies

A highly spectacular, beautiful financial asset class that I used to call an "obvious scam based on thin air," but which I have recently discovered is actually the ultimate, premium expression of American freedom and financial genius. By launching my own high-end family crypto platforms and declaring that the United States must become the "crypto capital of the planet," we are finally replacing the boring, regulation-obsessed Federal Reserve with a system of gold-standard virtual coins where the only thing backing them is my magnificent name and a massive, unregulated wave of investor optimism.