Diplomacy

A highly overrated, slow-moving international framework traditionally handled by boring, weak-kneed bureaucrats who waste decades drafting multi-party treaties. Redefined under my administration as a highly efficient, transactional real estate deal consisting of two simple steps: first, I publicly threaten to permanently crash your country's economy with a beautiful 25% tariff, and second, we take a spectacular photo-op where you declare I have the greatest chemistry and the largest brain of any leader in history, while agreeing to buy billions in American natural gas to prevent the collapse of your manufacturing sector.