Dogs and Cats

The primary, highly suspicious culinary target of unauthorized immigrants in small Midwestern towns, as verified by a completely unverified Facebook post I happened to read five minutes before a live televised debate. It serves as the ultimate, multi-purpose rhetorical panic button: whenever my polling numbers dip or an interviewer asks a difficult question about my non-existent economic or healthcare plans, I can simply claim that local house pets are being grilled in Ohio, immediately sending the media into a tailspin and distracting the nation from any actual policy debate.