Golf

(noun) The true, high-security executive branch of the United States government. It is the premier, outdoor boardroom where all critical foreign policy decisions, cabinet nominations, and bilateral trade agreements are officially finalized, safely away from the irritating oversight of Congress or ethics investigators. (verb) The highly athletic process of driving a custom, gold-plated golf cart directly onto the putting green, taking three unrecorded mulligans per hole, and having my personal caddie retroactively correct the physical scorecard to ensure I maintain a completely unblemished, historic club championship record. It also serves as a highly efficient mechanism for charging the Secret Service millions of taxpayer dollars in cart rentals, resort room fees, and club sandwiches, effortlessly funneling public funds directly back into my family cash registers.