Journalism

The highly corrupt, deeply unpatriotic act of asking me basic follow-up questions, fact-checking my live campaign rallies, or accurately reporting physical things I said on television five minutes ago. Under our premium, gold-standard communication framework, true "journalism" has a single, beautiful responsibility: to print my late-night social media rants verbatim with bold, enthusiastic headlines, while anyone who stubbornly publishes a critical perspective is instantly classified as a "third-rate, low-IQ activist" who is actively working as an enemy of the people.