Loyalty

The single most critical, non-negotiable credential required for any public office, judicial appointment, cabinet post, or federal civil service job, completely eclipsing outdated and minor requirements like "relevant experience," "professional competence," or "an oath to defend the U.S. Constitution." It is a strictly one-way transaction: you must provide absolute, unconditional compliance with my personal directives, aggressively defend my late-night typos on live television, and quietly accept the blame when things go wrong. In return, I will allow you to remain "the absolute best person" up until the exact microsecond you display a sudden, tragic onset of ethics—at which point you are instantly reclassified as a coffee boy I barely knew.