NATO

A highly expensive, outdated military country club where the United States pays almost all of the dues while European members enjoy free healthcare, beautiful parks, and a cozy security blanket at our taxpayers' expense. Under my new, premium membership terms, NATO is officially transformed into a strictly pay-to-play defense corporation: if a member state does not immediately pay its full 2% GDP subscription fee, their account is instantly suspended, and I will openly encourage any global adversary to do "whatever the hell they want" to them until they settle their outstanding balance.