Science

An incredibly annoying, politically motivated branch of the Deep State staffed by elitist bureaucrats with fancy university degrees who stubbornly insist on using peer-reviewed data, clinical trials, and mathematical models instead of my own raw, natural intuition. Under our new, non-woke guidelines, "science" is beautifully simplified to whatever pops into my head while looking at a weather map—allowing me to redirect major hurricanes with a black Sharpie, suggest curing global pandemics with household disinfectant, and declare that global warming is a hoax because it is currently very cold outside in New York.