Trump Watches

A highly majestic, masterfully crafted series of direct-to-consumer timepieces marketed as the absolute pinnacle of luxury horology. Ranging from a very modest, accessible gold model to the historic $100,000 "Tourbillon" edition (strict limit of 147 pieces, wire transfer only, absolutely no refunds under any circumstances), these beautiful works of art are personally endorsed by me as keeping "the most perfect, beautiful time ever recorded." While critics obsess over tiny disclaimers revealing they are assembled using imported parts in a strip mall, they remain a legendary, high-return investment—perfectly engineered to show everyone at the golf club that you appreciate high-end precision, or at least that you had $100k left over after buying my gold sneakers and bibles.